Secondary benefits

Secondary benefits

Often people have many reasons not to heal themselves and change their living conditions. This is because our trials can affect us in some way, or at least our subconscious believes they do. I know this may sound unlikely, but it may help to bring some clarity.

We explore what limiting beliefs are and how they can manifest in your life.

The work of uncovering these beliefs may not be pleasant, but by thinking of yourself as a detective of limiting beliefs, and adding a little humour and curiosity to the process, the journey can be a lot more fun.

All PSYCH-K trainers know how to turn restrictive ideas into supportive ones using 5 key questions. 

Here are some ideas you could try.

How do beliefs block you?

Do you tend to feel bad when you're trying to do everything to feel good? Have you tried everything and nothing seems to work? Do you start progressing and then suddenly your emotional or physical symptoms appear? Are you stuck in a pattern of self-sabotage, finding it hard to help yourself even though you know you need help?

Does it speak to you? Plaguing beliefs are on your path to overcoming any obstacle. It may be hard to understand, but stick with it and it may be the best thing you'll ever know.

Beliefs and your subconscious can hinder your aspirations and healing abilities. One of the reasons this happens is that in your subconscious you actually have an inner conflict with healing. This type of inner conflict occurs when one part of us wants change, but the other part (often the subconscious) doesn't because it believes that change is not good for us. Simply put, it is an obstacle to your goal and sabotages your efforts.

Even if your conscious mind is doing all it can to change your situation, your subconscious mind may hold on to things it thinks are useful in the form of limiting beliefs not to go through with the change. Part of you may see a challenge or illness as a benefit that is somehow better than being healthy. This means that you perceive that the challenge is good for you.

In the same way that you stop subscribing to newsletters that you don't like or that cause you stress, you can start changing your limiting beliefs. 

When learning about limiting beliefs, the most important thing to remember is that YOU are not guilty of them. Our subconscious makes interpretations and perceptions of the world around us, which then become the beliefs and rules we live by. Often we don't even realise we are doing it. The problem arises when we take these beliefs with us into the adult world. 

Many of the beliefs that limit you are not logical at all, at least not at first. In fact, some may even shock you. You discover blocks you never thought about. It gives you the opportunity to work on things you never knew existed, taking you in new directions and achieving results you never could. In the grand scheme of things, the point is to slowly release any unconscious causes in your body, mind and soul that are blocking healing or change. There are probably many reasons and that's okay. You will get over them, one by one.

Illness or emotional changes often occur when we live a life that is not our own. This can manifest in relationships that we know are not healthy, changing our own personality for the sake of others. Also, doing work that feels unethical or out of alignment with our true nature. Often we live this way because we have limiting beliefs that guide our lives.

Early childhood experiences are the first source from which we get ideas or beliefs about life and ourselves. Beliefs are not facts. Beliefs are based only on our past and our experiences, on what others tell us and on the conclusions we draw from those experiences. Unfortunately, we don't consciously decide what we believe, which means that many unconscious beliefs run amok in our lives.

Until you have overcome your limiting beliefs, you may feel as if you are sinking into seemingly endless deep water, repeating the same patterns over and over again.

Let's find out how it works

Let's say you're four years old and you draw something you're very proud of. You're brought home from nursery, you're excited, and you show the picture to your mum, who's busy finishing her errands and looking after your little sister. She smiles and abruptly tells you to put the drawing away and get ready for dinner. This happens in several different scenarios this week, as your father is out of town for work and your mother is overwhelmed with her responsibilities. You feel isolated and get the signal that you're a terrible artist, instead of realising that your mum is just busy. Now that you're growing up, you start looking for proof. Your subconscious takes this as a new rule you've created: I'm a terrible artist. You live life with this perspective, guiding your behaviour according to this limiting belief. This experience can be interpreted by you as shutting down your creativity, feeling ashamed to express yourself, and so on. Healing is part of not learning and believing anything that doesn't help you feel good. Your younger self used to see things one way, but now you're older. Unless you're willing to let a 4 year old run your life, it would probably be a good idea to renew your subconscious beliefs.

The subconscious is neither critical nor pejorative, it does not analyse or discuss. It simply picks up information and behaves according to the conditions, programming, instructions and messages it receives. Thousands of interpretations of our childhood experiences come from limiting beliefs that then guide our lives.

Our subconscious uses these rules to guide our behaviour. When we go back to these memories, experiences and interpretations from the past, we create new blocks by reinforcing old beliefs and habits. These damaging beliefs are some of the biggest obstacles to healing. The good news is that overcoming these beliefs can help create new, healthy beliefs.

Pernicious beliefs work like this: 

1. They put black glasses in front of us, through which we begin to see our lives and ourselves, distorting our understanding.

2. These glasses keep us stuck with their limiting beliefs and patterns.

3. Believing these limitations, we live within them, fulfilling the limiting belief that helps create our reality.

4. Plaguing beliefs then create a pattern of self-sabotage.

Here is an example of this phenomenon. Paul has been married to the love of his life for 10 years, but has experienced some anxiety and a number of digestive upsets. His wife was a socialite and the husband described her as "the life of the party", often seeking attention at every social event. This was something that the husband liked very much about her, as she tended to be shy herself. During the conversation, Paul admits that he became shy after an experience at a school dance, which led him to have limiting beliefs. Everyone else was in the groups, but no one invited Paul to join them. He spent the whole dance party alone, moving around the food table, going to the toilet and untying and tying his shoelaces, just to look active.

Since then, Paul has felt uncomfortable in social situations and fears being left out. He felt it was time to be himself again and not be "that guy" at every party.

One limiting belief that often comes up is "If I am myself, it threatens my relationship." It turns out that Paul associated his fear with his wife. He had blocks that prevented him from getting over his past because, deep down, he believed that if he were himself, it would compete with his wife's big personality. Paul subconsciously believed that they could not both be "that fun". He realised that he had got this from his parents' relationship where his mother was the 'talker' and his father was the one who listened in silence. When his father spoke, his mother would stammer in front of everyone. Whether or not this really affected Paul's marriage, it was still very stressful for his body to suppress its true nature for the well-being of his wife.

Changing the belief that "if I am myself, it threatens my relationship with my wife" helped Paul to feel much more comfortable in social situations.

An interesting side note: the indigestion Paul was experiencing was very closely related to his current situation. The digestive system is strongly affected by stress. Paul's digestive system acted as a defence mechanism, as if to prevent him from going to places where he would have to wait in the toilet queue. In a way, it was very handy, helping him to avoid situations where his social anxieties would be triggered. Do you now understand how closely unprocessed experiences, limiting beliefs and physical symptoms are linked? We are simply complex puzzles that need to be lovingly resolved.

The subconscious mind may be programmed to make us believe that an ordeal, symptom, illness or problem is actually better for us than being free of it. Paul's fear of social situations and digestive problems manifested in an effort to protect his marriage.

The power of your mind and beliefs

It is important to understand that your life and health are very much influenced by your beliefs.

One of the most compelling stories of the power of disempowering and limiting beliefs comes from the story of Sam Londe, who was diagnosed with esophageal cancer. In 1974, this cancer was incurable. A few weeks after being diagnosed, Sam died. At the time of his autopsy, it was discovered that there were very few cancer cells in Sam's body, too few to kill. Some parts of his body were damaged, but there was not a single cancer cell in his esophagus. His psychiatrist Dr Clifton Meador said: "I thought he had cancer. I thought he had cancer. He thought he had cancer. Everybody around him thought he had cancer... Did I somehow remove hope?" In 2014, the New England Journal of Medicine published an experiment showing that mimicking surgery is as effective as real surgery. In this study, there were patients waiting for knee surgery with their broken meniscus and debilitating pain. When they arrived in the operating theatre, surgeons from Finland performed either a meniscus repair operation or a plausible 'game' operation where incisions were made and closed, but nothing else was done. In case the anaesthetised patients could hear or understand, the doctors and nurses passed instruments to create a natural sound and the pretend operation took as long as a normal procedure would take. Patients who underwent the real surgery, as well as those who took part in the "game" surgery, had similar improvements.

Bruce Lipton, in his book The Biology of Belief: Unleashing the Power of the Unconscious, Reason and Miracles, wrote a story that demonstrates the power of belief. 

Interior designer Janis Achofeld took part in a clinical study testing the effectiveness of an antidepressant. The tablets relieved his 30-year depression and brain scans confirmed that activity in the prefrontal cortex had been completely altered. It was only at the end of the trial that Janis found out he was taking placebo tablets. Her belief in what the medicine was supposed to do was the reason for her recovery.

There are endless instances that demonstrate that beliefs that empower or constrain actually create our reality. Dr. Lipton's groundbreaking research may be one of the most amazing and inspiring examples, proving that your thoughts change the biology of your body according to your subconscious beliefs. Your body's cells are looking for the dominant part of the subconscious mind to lead. Do you understand why it is so important to have good beliefs? Clearing harmful beliefs so you can be fully in alignment with your healing is your newest tool to freedom. Ready to get started?

Identify what's behind your beliefs

When working on finding blocks, it is advisable to keep a notebook nearby and use it as your "I can't believe it's in my subconscious" diary. Writing them down as you think of them will help you start a brainstorming session and also create a list of things to work on as you clear.

Beliefs that block healing are usually based on one core area:

Insecurity (healing is insecure) - If the part of you that needs to heal does not feel, at a cellular level, that it is safe to heal, it can behave like a huge block. This is the most limiting belief we see. I know it seems illogical that an illness or emotional challenge could make us feel safe. Although there are certainly reasons why we feel safe. These types of problems often keep us out of the big bad world of the safe zone at home, helping us say "no" to things we might otherwise refuse to do and more.

Consent (I don't want to heal) - This includes the idea that we don't want to do what it takes to heal energetically, financially or in some other way. This limiting belief basically prevents work related to healing. It is not a belief based on laziness, but often comes from a desire to rest after a long struggle with our challenge. 

Worthlessness (I'm not worth healing) - This limiting belief revolves around the belief that we don't deserve to be healthy or happy. At the heart of it is usually a feeling that we are not enough.

Preparedness (I'm not ready to heal) - A lack of readiness to heal can be part of why we feel things are happening too fast or that we need to do something more before we are ready to move on with our lives.

Ability (I don't know how to heal) - At the heart of this limiting belief is the belief that you or you don't have what it takes to heal, that you don't know how to heal because you don't have the internal or external resources to do so. This block is linked to the thought or belief that "others can heal but I can't".

Impossibility (I can't get better) - Feeling that getting better is not possible is a harmful belief that often comes from medical professionals trying to help you. Hearing things such as "the most serious case" or your problem is "incurable" only adds fuel to such beliefs. This block is built around the feeling that your situation is just too bad.

Willingness (I don't want to heal) - This is usually the result of a challenging setback. Everything negative we experience in our lives (such as illness) has a positive side (benefits). Sometimes only on a subconscious level. The benefits we get from the challenge prevent us from wanting to overcome the challenge. 

It is important to know that there may be many limiting beliefs that need to be worked on. There are mountains of them. Changing beliefs is a marathon, not a sprint. You can only get clear as fast as the beliefs manifest themselves to you. You don't have to deal with every single one to change them, you just have to make a pile of good holes.

Reducing things to the root cause

Let's say you have general limiting beliefs that are unsafe for healing. You may need to investigate a lot of extraneous beliefs or misconceptions to get to that one general belief. In other words, there may be a number of reasons why your body feels it is harmful to heal. Reasons may lie in beliefs such as "someone I know will be negatively affected" , "then I'll have to look for a new job" and "I don't get enough support from Mum and Dad". These are all perfectly normal beliefs, but some of them can feel like a barrier to benefits or a challenge for you. You are always looking for both.

The following list will open your eyes to possible limiting beliefs that can make recovery difficult. Keep in mind that they probably fall into one basic category (security, acceptance, deserving, willingness, ability, opportunity, wanting), but the reasons behind them can be many and varied. Let's start with a list so you can brainstorm. Feel free to use each belief as a suggestion and, if necessary, modify some of the wording to make it fit you more. You don't have to change all your beliefs to heal. Everyone will find hidden beliefs if they try. Don't let this process overwhelm you. Just start somewhere.

Here are some examples of limiting beliefs that hinder healing:

I'm only loved when I'm sick.

I am only loved when I am perfect.

I am not lovable.

I don't deserve love.

I am worthless.

I always make the wrong choices.

Every time something starts to go well, something bad happens.

When I do what I want, others are unhappy.

It is not possible to be healthy and happy at the same time.

I need that challenge or illness to get my needs met.

I need to be sick to feel safe.

I must be sick and unhappy because I did something bad in the past.

Being sick/accident is my punishment from the past.

If I get better, I'll be lonely for the rest of my life (people will only be around me because I'm sick).

When I recover, everything will definitely come back.

It is unsafe to relax.

Being happy is unsafe.

When I do something good for myself, someone else gets angry.

I want to end my relationship when I get better.

I can only heal with more support.

I'm only valuable if .... (I'm perfect, do everything for others, etc.)

I can only heal if I have more money.

If I get well and still can't find a partner, I have no good excuse.

The recovery proves it was all my fault from the start.

If I heal, I am too vulnerable.

There is nothing I can do if I heal.

There is no point in healing (I have no purpose/reason for healing).

Are you starting to notice that beliefs have no limits? 

Great! 

This is a great help in this process.

Key questions to identify harmful beliefs

Now that you've made a proper start, see what emerges when you ask yourself the following questions designed to draw out limiting beliefs. When an idea comes to you, go with it - it has meaning. If an answer comes along and seems ridiculous, go with it too - it's your subconscious mind trying to give you clues. If a memory or belief comes up, write it down. 

Why does a part of me believe that I need this disease/injury/situation/challenge?

If I am freed from this belief, who will escape punishment?

Who will be hurt if I let go of this belief?

Do I feel in any way stronger with this problem?

Does letting go of it mean I am forgetting something or forgiving someone?

What do I lose without this "hope"? What is the downside?

What do I think I need to do to make this situation go away? Is there a downside?

Another powerful question is "if my mind has some crazy idea why I shouldn't get better, what would it be?". You'll be surprised to find out what answers might come.

Hopefully, you now have many opportunities to change your limiting beliefs. The subconscious actually has a lot of good (or at least it thinks so!) reasons why we shouldn't overcome the challenge.

We are now talking about what to do about these limiting beliefs.

Changing persuasive beliefs

Like most energetic imbalances, limiting beliefs can create large blocks that are usually not very difficult to let go of. 

Successful programming consists of three parts:

Awareness raising. Do you see a pattern here? We have to acknowledge that we have this limiting belief and it's not working for us anymore. Sometimes we need to become aware of the reason for it - whether it's a certain heart in our life, someone said something or some other source.

Trust. Speak to your unconscious as a trusted, compassionate, kind companion. Our subconscious needs to feel safe enough to relax and accept guidance to change limiting beliefs.

Replacement. Find a new belief to replace the one your subconscious is currently using. We want to offer our subconscious better options instead of leaving the space empty.