How do you make room in your life for someone else and what does it mean?

It means we are ready to walk alongside another person, no matter the journey they have to make. We do not judge them, we do not question their adequacy, we do not try to correct them or influence the outcome of their life's journey. When we are determined to hold a place in someone's life, we open our hearts to them, offering independent support without judgement or scrutiny. 

From time to time, we may find ourselves in a situation where the person we are saving a place for is saving a place for someone else. It's virtually impossible to be a strong "place-holder" if you don't have someone to hold your place. Even the most influential managers, leaders, doctors, mentors need to be sure that they have someone in their lives with whom they can be vulnerable and weak without fear of condemnation.

As a mentor, teacher, mother, wife, friend, etc., I try to be understanding of others and not a judgmental taskmaster. And it's not always easy, because it's in my nature to want to help and guide people, or to cheer them on when I see that they could be further along in their life's journey than they actually are. But despite everything, I still try, because I know how important it is. And at the same time, I know that there are people in my life who I trust and who hold a place for me. 

To truly support people in their growth, grief and transformation, we must not take away their power (for example, by trying to solve their problems ourselves), shame them (for example, by implying that they should know what they are doing) or overburden them (for example, with information they are not ready for). We need to step aside when necessary to let them make their own choices, their own decisions, and offer them unconditional support and love. We need to guide them a little if necessary, and offer them a sense of security when they make mistakes. 

Staying in place is not the speciality of managers, mentors, doctors. It's something we can all offer each other - our partner, our children, our friends, or even a complete stranger who comes to talk to us, for example on a bus journey. 

8 tips to help you keep space for others in your life

1. Let people trust their intuition and knowledge. 

Surely You know what You need to do. How to help your little baby wash and eat, how to give your hurting baby some medicine, how to entertain a sick baby. But it doesn't all have to follow a protocol or a law - trust what you know, trust your gut.

2. Share only as much information as people can absorb.

Don't overload people with information - only share as much as you're sure they can handle. Too much information can leave people feeling incompetent and worthless.

3. Don't take power away.

By taking away people's power to decide for themselves, we leave them with a sense of uselessness and incompetence. There may be times when we have to step in and make a difficult decision for someone (for example, for addicts for whom treatment may be the only way to save their lives), but people almost always need the opportunity to decide for themselves, and this is also true for children. Offer support, but don't try to control the situation.

4. Keep your ego in check.

This is very important. It happens to all of us - we believe that someone else's success depends on our achievements, someone else's actions give us a bad name, etc. It's a trap that benefits no one. In order to truly help and support someone, you need to suppress your ego and thereby create the right environment for the other person to develop and grow.

5. Provide them with a sense of security so they dare to fail.

As people learn, grow, experience grief or change, they often make mistakes along the way. As their stewards, we must offer them the opportunity to turn inward without condemnation, without shaming, and find the courage to take risks and continue the journey even when they make mistakes. If we make them understand that mistakes are a natural part of their journey, they will spend less time whipping themselves for their mistakes and more time learning.

6. Guide and help in a humble and reasonable way.

A smart steward knows when to give his or her instructions (e.g. when a person is so lost on the trail that he or she no longer knows how to ask for help) and when not to give them (e.g. when giving instructions might make a person feel foolish and inadequate). It's all very careful boundary dancing, which is what you have to do when you're someone's steward. You need to recognise when others feel vulnerable and genuinely helpless and offer them help that doesn't undermine their confidence and embarrass them.

7. Create a container for complex emotions, fear and trauma.

When people feel cared for and supported in a deeper way than they are used to, they dare to let go of long-held emotions. Create an environment in which people dare to let themselves go fully without fear of being broken or shamed forever. 

8. Allow them to make other choices and have experiences you wouldn't choose.

When you are a steward of someone's place, you need to respect them and their choices, and understand that by making different choices from you, they will also have different experiences in their life. He or she may make choices based on a culture or faith that we do not know.  If you are a steward, you need to let go of control and respect differences.

Staying in place is a skill that cannot be mastered overnight or by following the tips above. It's a skill that takes practice to master, and it's different for every different person and situation.